28. Abraham Lincoln, the White House Ghost

Look, I’ll just say it: We’re not experts in history, but we are experts in ghostology, and the hard truth is, Honest Abe is honestly a ghost. That may be hard for you to hear, because all the ghosts and all the seances and all the spirit photography somehow got scrubbed from the Daniel Day-Lewis flick, because Hollywood is run by lizard people, but listen. There is a ghost in the White House, and his name is A-boo-ham Lincoln.

This is the story of Abraham Lincoln, the White House ghost. Come for the haunting, stay for the extraordinary practice of river law, Patrick’s insistence that Abe Lincoln is a buck-naked ghost, “deer” being a confusing reason for death, milk sickness being a product of witch, and the raw, sexual musk of President Abraham Lincoln.

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