Frequently Asked Questions
Are ghosts real?
Yes! They were invented in 1866 by Cyrus McCormick.
How many ghosts are there?
73, if you count Scarlett Johansson. (We do.)
What do ghosts eat?
People’s fear, mostly, but they also like Skittles.
Will I become a ghost? I don't want to.
You don’t have to! Our “This Is Not a Ghost” subscription guarantees that you will not become a ghost. Only $7/month! Fax us for details.
Who's the best ghost?
Patrick Swayze.
How tall is Clayton, really?
We’re not sure. He can’t be measured with conventional rulers.
Is Patrick's cat really a 'possum?
The DNA tests are inconclusive.
Why are you guys like this?
This interview is over.
Contact us
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